


how the most dangerous thing is to love

by quantumoddity



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pregnancy, Sex Magic, Trans Caleb Widogast, Trans Mollymauk Tealeaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:00:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27547972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Caleb can't remember a time he's been so happy. He and Molly are on their way to starting a family with the help of a little magic, life is good and his love is safe.And one night reminds him how fragile it all is.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	how the most dangerous thing is to love

Caleb had gotten into the habit of staying awake for a few more minutes after Mollymauk had drifted to sleep. He would feel his husband’s weight become that fraction heavier as the tension dissipated, as he sank into his arms and rocked against his shoulder, sleep rising up to close over his head. Caleb would settle him against the pillow, watching carefully for the slightest hitch in his breathing, easing him down though he’d have loved to hold him close all night. But he would probably end up losing his arm to blood loss somewhere around 2am. 

And then he would wait, forgetting about the book on the nightstand or Frumpkin curled up at his feet or even his own tiredness at the end of a long day. He would just pause and watch Molly, seconds slipping by unnoticed into minutes, lost in the simple delight of the steady rise and fall of his chest, the face he loved so much relaxed and perfectly at peace, the one hand lying slack on his slightly rounded stomach. 

Caleb would watch and think how much he adored him, how he couldn’t remember ever being so simply and uncomplicatedly happy. 

So he would always turn off the light and settle down himself with a smile on his face. 

Caleb hadn’t had a nightmare in some time. 

Tonight he dreamed of the night they’d made them, whoever they were. Now six months ago but it was as sharp and clear as if he was back in the moment. He was sprawled over Molly, one hand gripping the headboard, the other holding the purple skinned leg thrown over his shoulder, hips lost in the regular roll and crash of it. His hair falling in his face and tickling his nose but it was the furthest thing from his mind. He was focused solely on Mollymauk, the noises he made as he pulled back and pushed in deeper, as deep as he could go, the faint magical glow from his new appendage fading and pulsing back each time he did. 

It had been strange when the spell had first manifested, that itchy heat tracing down the symbols he’d painted on his body, pooling between his legs and forming itself into what was unmistakably a cock. Translucent, faintly glowing with his magical signature but still, unmistakable. The thrill that it had worked- it actually worked!- was only slightly less than the one that came with Molly’s cry of delight and the sudden, burning kiss he dragged him into that very quickly dissolved into the almost frantic, joyous fucking they were tangled in now. 

Now it just felt right. His body was unsure at first but it wasn’t all that different than their usual sex, just with the mind blowing addition of actually feeling when Molly’s muscles clenched and parted around him and also the maybe not so purely academic triumph of having made a spell, a very tricky and expensive spell, from scratch and have it actually work. 

Because it would work, how could there be any doubt of that? Caleb knew it wasn’t technically possible to be completely certain until they had the positive test in hand but still, he felt it in himself, in the hubris that only really surfaced when he did magic and did it well. With Molly yowling like a cat in heat under him and the magic burning through his nerves, impossible to pull apart from the pleasure of it all, how couldn’t it work?

There would be a cavernous, bone deep tired in him when he was done, Caleb felt that. He’d used so much magic, afterwards he would be burned out like a matchstick, he could already feel a nosebleed coming on and vessels bursting in his eyes with the strain as he climbed towards his release in time with Mollymauk. But it was worth it. It would be worth it. 

It had to be worth it. 

Caleb stirred, feeling an awkward wetness between his thighs as he rolled and shifted under the blanket. That pinned his attention for a moment, what little had surfaced from sleep, so he didn’t realise what had woken him until he heard the first wheezing, rasping cry of his name.

“Caleb…” Molly was sitting up in the dark, staring straight ahead with eyes that were blown white in fear, his voice a harsh cough, “Caleb!” 

He sat up, faster than his sleep fogged brain wanted to and got a lurch of nausea for his trouble, “Molly? Is something wrong?”

His husband didn’t need to answer for the fear to pierce through Caleb and shock him unpleasantly awake. Because it was clear that something was very, very wrong. 

There was a thin trail of blood running from the corner of Molly’s mouth. It dripped to the white sheets and soaked in, leaving a mark not unlike a kiss. 

“It hurts,” Molly whispered, his voice muffled like something was in it’s way, thin as a whistle. 

And then he coughed again, a thick and heavy sound like he was trying to bring something up, curled around his belly, shoulders heaving. More kisses fell carelessly on the sheets. 

Panic a white hot iron in his throat, Caleb lurched up to hold him as he fell back, the weight of him threatening to overbalance them. He groped for a spell, any spell, but it was all fucking useless. He didn’t know how to heal or solve problems, he only knew how to make them.

_ Like this one _ a sly voice whispered in his mind and guilt twisted his insides. 

They had known this was a possibility. A child made by magic would inevitably have it running through their veins and, whether they were born yet or not, it was theirs to use. Use unthinkingly and uncontrolled, no sense of the power they had or what it could do. Wild magic, in its purest and most dangerous form, in the tiny, unformed hands of someone who wasn’t even a someone yet. 

And Caleb had planted it there. 

Up until now it had been something to laugh about, when Molly would suddenly start belching up clouds of bubbles or his skin would turn a bright green or the memorable morning when he’d been daydreaming in Caduceus’ cafe only to bump his head on the ceiling and then realise he was levitating off the ground. It had the same softness as the first time they felt them kick or the day he woke up and realised he was showing. 

And Caleb had allowed himself to forget the risks, letting his initial wariness fade into the domestic bliss he’d never thought he’d be allowed but now held in his own two hands. He forgot the golden rule he’d come to know after decades of being himself, that everything good he ever thought he’d build would end in ruin. 

With Molly in his arms, wheezing and hacking, struggling to draw breath in and bringing only blood up, that hit home and all he could do was watch it happen again. 

“I don’t know what they’re doing,” his voice snagged and broke, the panic taking over, “I can’t figure it out, I don’t know how to stop them…”

Molly tried to speak, lips trying to move in a reassurance because of course he would be coughing up blood and trying to tell Caleb it would be okay. And in that moment he knew he couldn’t lose him, whether life wanted to let him have this happiness or not. It would have to tear it out of his hands. 

So he fought back the panic before it could seal him in and did the only thing he could think to do. He threw out his magic like a rope, desperately searching for rescue in a dark, roiling sea. And he shouted for the only person he trusted to fix this. 

_ “Caduceus!” _

And in a moment, he was there. He’d clearly been roused from sleep, purple eyes blinking in a half aware shock, the bed sinking under his sudden weight. The firbolg opened his mouth, most likely to politely wonder why he was suddenly here but then he heard the fading sound of Molly’s breathing and saw the anguish on Caleb’s face and immediately he snapped to attention. 

“What’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” Caleb’s voice shook as much as his hands did, holding Molly’s limp body up, “It’s the wild magic but I don’t know what kind or how to counteract it and he’s bleeding inside and he can’t breathe and-”

Caduceus cut across him, eyes fixed on his patient as he took him from Caleb and bent, pressing his ear to his stomach, “It’s druid magic. You can smell it on his breath.” 

“Smell it?” Caleb’s voice strained, not understanding. 

“Greenbriers,” Caduceus said simply, “Inside him. They must have summoned them.”

“Inside him?” Caleb sobbed weakly, reeling with the horror of that idea, plants of all things encroaching through vessels and constricting muscles, thorns biting in, “Oh gods, can you fix it?”

“I can hold them off until the wild magic dissipates, draw them in to the source,” Caduceus held his palms to Molly’s skin, a faint glow emanating from them, “And I’ll heal him fast once they’re gone.”

Caleb gave a shaky moan, bending over Molly like he could protect him that way, even with the threat under his own skin, “Liebling, come on. Stay with me, we’re going to fix this, it will be okay.”

Again the lips moved, an attempt at words that came out as a whistle of constricted air, eyelids growing leaden. 

“Oh Molly, no,” Caleb’s panic began to rise again, bile in his throat. You have to stay awake, come on, give my hand a squeeze. Please Molly, please.”

There were a few beats of horrible limpness but then the fingers in Caleb’s grip tightened ever so slightly, just enough to keep him from falling apart completely. And he realised he  _ could _ smell it, a kind of earthiness, like damp soil was somehow lining their bedroom instead of carpet, like the faintest hint of a damp, morning forest just outside their window instead of the sleeping city. It was eerily beautiful. 

While his body spoke to his husband, begging him to stay awake, to stay with him, his mind murmured to their baby.  _ Please, I know you don’t understand but you’re hurting him. I know it’s hard, please let go.  _

Please stay.  _ Please let go.  _

And thankfully, they both listened. Lower down Molly’s body, Caduceus sighed in relief and pushed his magic forward. The forest smell faded and the raspiness eased, Molly’s breathing becoming stronger and more even. Caleb gave a dry sob and began mumbling ragged Zemnian, thankful prayers he hadn’t used since he was a child. 

“There,” Caduceus sat back, nodding, “The magic dissipated, they’re gone now. And I healed the damage, all he needs now is some rest.”

“Thank you,” Caleb’s voice was flat, like he had no more emotion left to give, all of it burned away, “Thank you, Caduceus, without you he…”

“Best not to think on that now,” Cad advised gently, reaching over and giving his shoulder a squeeze, “Both of you rest. I mean, after you send me home, if you wouldn’t mind doing that. Or I could take a cab?”

“No, no,” Caleb shook his head, “I can send you back, apologise to Fjord for me. I just…”

“Think nothing of it. I’m glad I could help. I can sense you maybe don’t want a hug right now so remind me tomorrow when I come check on him and you can have one then.”

That did make him smile, wanly but all the same, as he summoned the magic to send his friend back to his apartment, “Thanks again, Caduceus.”

He missed his steady, comforting presence almost the instant he was gone. Because with just Molly’s worn out breathing and his sickly guilt, Caleb felt so small and scared. 

Just four more months. He could learn new spells, find a way to dampen the wild magic, he could be ready next time. And what could really happen in just four months? When the baby arrived, they would just batten down the hatches, hope nothing too disastrous happened before they could be taught to control it. 

It would be fine. It would. They both wanted this so much, it had to be okay. 

But the more Caleb told himself that, as he wrapped himself around Mollymauk for a long night of no sleep, the more it sounded like a hollow kind of hope that he didn’t deserve. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a comment, it really means a lot! I'm also over on Tumblr @mollymauj-teafleak if you'd like to talk about this modern au or my widomauk kids!


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